Friday, January 7, 2011

The Code: A Story with Hand Gestures

What's up, friends?

Well I am no longer taking my creative writing class, so I have approximately 5 extra hours a week to split between this blog and submitting my work to literary journals. Hopefully this means we'll be seeing a lot  more of each other. Pretty soon we might even be going steady (get it? ahahaha).

It's funny the way people focus on their academic passions after school, isn't it? I started a blog to write and took a class for credit just because I missed learning. A classmate of mine looks up which new books professors are requiring for classes she took in school, then buys the books and actually reads them. A set of best friends I know have declared 2011 the "Year of the Civil War" and will be exploring the war through road trips, documentaries and films, and a heavy duty reading list. 

Best friends do crazy things together. That's kind of what best friends are for. Here's a story about me and my lesbi-bestie Arla.

The Code: A Story with Hand Gestures

After we came out to each other Arla and I decided to lay down some lesbi-bestie ground rules. Basically, they went as follows:

  1. Never hook up with your lesbi-bestie's crush, girlfriend, or fling. In short, we don't share lady friends.
  2. When another woman starts dissing your lesbi-bestie, SHUT THAT BITCH DOWN. Even if your lesbi-bestie may have done something wrong-ish. 
  3. Complete honesty at all times.
Via the Notebook Doodles

That's it: The Code which allows our friendship to thrive while so many others crash and burn.

Almost immediately following the development of The Code girls were out to get us. At the time, there were two girls I was hooking up with semi-regularly (aka every time we were at the same party). The first girl wasn't the best kisser, but she was--by far--the most aggressive. She was also the dirtiest talker I've ever come across. Seriously, I'm blushing now just thinking about it. We can call her Jezebel--for obvious reasons. The second girl was really into calling the shots, so we can call her Rica Suave. 

When you get down to it, the three of us were just friends with generous benefits. 

One night, I threw a huge party with Arla. Our hall was packed with people, alcohol, and a haze of smoke (from God only knows what substances). Towards the end of the night I overheard Jezebel and Rica discussing which girls at the party they would and would not hook up with. One of the girls mentioned Arla as a possible conquest and I began to laugh. 

"That will never happen," I told her firmly.

"That was rude," Rica seemed upset.

"No, it's the truth. Arla and I have a promise and she won't break it over either of you." I informed her.

"I bet I can make her." Jezebel said.

"Really?" I asked. Seriously, Jezebel was the kind of girl you make a friend with benefits and not an actual girlfriend. She had no hope of being the kind of girl who breaks up friendships. 

"I bet I could." Rica said, staring at Arla. 

I snorted. Of course, what I said above about Jezebel applied to Rica as well. 

"Are you jealous?" Rica asked.

"Not at all. In fact, I completely support you. Go, try your hardest. But you're stuck with me." 

Both girls glared at me before crossing the room to try to seduce Arla. It was probably one of the single most hilarious moments of my college career. Arla shot them down and ended up leaving the party to spend the night with a girl who was neither Rica nor Jezebel. 

from thequickanddirty (and obviously the Simpsons)

Two weeks later, I walked into a dance party to find Jezebel crying in the hysterical way that only drunk girls can. Her friends told me she was crying because Arla refused to make out with her. I looked around and found Arla with the girl from two weeks ago. 

I didn't touch Jezebel after that night because, let's be real, I don't play second fiddle.

Score one for Team Lesbi-bestie.
from cafepress

Rica took a much smarter approach and gave up on Arla the night I told her it was a lost cause. In fact, after she found out why Jezebel was kicked to the curb, she was careful never to do or say anything that might pit me against Arla and vice versa. She stuck around for a while and eventually became friends--without benefits--with Arla too.


The point: 
1. Don't mess with other people's relationships. 
2. If you become a friend with benefits, you'll have slim to no chance of transitioning to a legitimate relationship. 


Friends, do you agree with my points? What am I missing?

1 comment:

  1. These sorts of rules help keep any sort of friendship - straight besties, guy/girl, bros - on solid ground. Plus it helps weed out less-than-worthy hook-ups!