Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My First Kiss

Hey Friends!

I was just thinking that this blog keeps going backwards in time.  Luckily, I don't really have much of note to share before this story, so we'll start to Tarantino this shit soon. It'll be effing awesome.

As for tonight's tale.  It's about my first kiss, which funnily enough was with a little lady. Unfortunately, I don't think you're going to hear about my first boy kiss which was probs only a few months after this story. It was really awkward and embarrassing and actually pretty disturbing once you know all the facts. I feel I need a shower just thinking about it, ick.

Now on to my cutest tale yet...

My First Kiss
Up until eighth grade, I was a Girl Scout.  So I went camping every summer at least  once.  Friends, I need to share with you that I effing hate camping. But you know what I do like? Lock-ins. You and all your friends gorge on soda and candy and stay up all night giggling and running around a church/gymnasium/rec center/series of classrooms and in the morning you get to hate your parents for waking you up before noon. It's so fucking awesome.

Luckily Girl Scouts do lots of lock-ins. We did all our lock-ins in the council building which was a giant fortress complete with it's own Girl Scout store, gymnasium, kitchen, and dance studio.  The lock-in around which this story centers was for the older girls from all over the region.  It took place the summer between seventh and eighth grade, starring me as a super arrogant 12 year old. (Wholey mackerel friends, that's ten effing years ago!)  

We had a fantastic turn out for the lock-in and our council building was jam packed with pink duffel bags, poofy sleeping bags, and oversized teddy bears.  We played lots of get to know you games and crafted with yarn and sparkles and glitter.  I had a fabulous time.

Eventually, the time came for lights out.  Now friends, my mom was a Girl Scout leader, meaning I was accustomed doing whatever the fuck I wanted.  Obviously, this meant I wasn't going to really go to sleep during lights out.  At first a bunch of girls stayed up with me to play truth or dare, but we got found out and scolded.  Then most of the girls went to bed.  Alone in a sea of lame-os, I got up and decided to head for the kitchen and see if there was anything worth salvaging.

I got the kitchen and heard someone moving in one of the hallways nearby.  I dropped to the floor and began crawling towards the island, thinking I'd just hide behind it in the shadows.  But when I reached the shadows, there was already someone else there. She was a fellow Cadette, (for those of you who never made it past a week or two in brownies, the pecking order back in the day was Daisy, Brownie, Junior, Cadette, Senior)  with long auburn hair and big brown eyes. We hadn't really gotten to know each other earlier, but with the noises coming closer we exchanged a look of desperation and silently agreed to share the hiding spot.

The ruckus turned out to be a few of the troupe leaders stealing what was left of the oreo cake (so much for that plan.)  After the adults left, I sat in the dark with my new partner in crime for quite a while.  Finally she looked up and said, "I think the coast is clear."  Slowly, we crawled out of hiding and decided to keep on with our night of debauchery

Our next stop was the dance studio. We chatted for a while and I learned her name was Mackenzie. I'm not going to lie and tell I know what Mackenzie and I talked about because I don't.  What I do remember is that she suggested we take our sleeping bags and migrate to the hallway, where no one would bother us or think to look for us.  So we snuck back into the gymnasium of sleeping girls and snagged our sleeping bags.  By now everyone was asleep but us.  We tiptoed back to the hallway and set up camp by the water fountain, so it's hum could hide our whispers. 

I remember getting deep into conversation (what on earth do 12 year olds talk about? Does anyone remember?)  Mackenzie and I were both sitting cross-legged and we were so excited about whatever we were talking about that our knees were touching and our faces were only inches apart.  At some point, Mackenzie leaned in and kissed me.  I mean, by my standards at 22, it was only a peck.  However at 12, all I could see was that another girl had kissed my lips. It was like my whole world shifted.  I remember mumbling something and running to the bathroom and having a What The Fucking Fuck moment.  I then returned to my sleeping bag and Mackenzie ran off to the bathroom.  When she came back, I was already in my sleeping bag.  She whispered my name a few times, trying to get me up, but I just stayed snuggled in my bag, pretending to be asleep.  Finally she gave up and went to bed.

The next morning when I woke up, Mackenzie was gone. I never saw her again.

When my dad came to pick my mom and I up the next morning, I told him that some girl tried to kiss me (like I was going to admit that I let her) and said that obviously, she must be a "dyke."  I made sure my tone showed how grossed out I was by Mackenzie's behavior the night before.

I will never forget my dad's face when I said that.  He grabbed my arm, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Abernathy, don't ever say that word ever again. Ever.  We don't hate people and call them names just because they're different."  I think my mom was just as flabbergasted by my dad's reaction as I was, because she didn't say a freakin' word.  

And you know, I was so ashamed of calling Mackenzie a dyke and having my dad yell at me that I never talked about my first kiss again.


Today's Point: I'm not really sure... ideas from the peanut gallery? But my dad is pretty effing legit in this story, isn't he? YEAH dad!

Are you guys seeing the theme I'm seeing? What's up with this whole kissing girls and letting them walk off thing? What the fucking eff have I been doing for the last ten years? Obviously, not improving my game at all.


  1. Perhaps the point is we are all susceptible to moments of hate and the world's a better place for dad's like yours

  2. I meant to say this weeks and weeks ago: thank you for this comment. I think that's a beautiful point. And it totally made me go "awwwww"